Refund policy

The pond's position on returns.

Everything here is printed to order, so we cannot accept returns occasioned by a change of heart, a change of size, or a change in your relationship with waterfowl. Consult the size chart before ordering. The size chart is the only document in the Clerk's care that has never once gone missing, a distinction he mentions often.

If your order arrives misprinted, damaged, or otherwise wrong, that is the press's doing and not yours, and we will make it right. Write within thirty days of delivery with your order number and a photograph of the offence. You will have a reprint or a refund, whichever you prefer, at no cost to you. The responsible press will be referred to the letters desk, where a drake signing himself Reginald, not a registered name, has already demanded that we stop pretending any of this is ordinary.

Refunds are returned to the original payment method within five to ten business days. The length of this window has been formally contested by the coot, under a category of complaint not previously known to exist. The window stands. The complaint has been referred to the Subcommittee, which will not sit until the tides have changed.

Bread is neither sold nor refunded here.
The crust index remains at eleven.
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